Juno

When I first heard about the movie Juno for some reason I thought it was about that small town in Alaska. Why would I want to see a movie about that? Alaska is cold and boring like the last 3 minutes of Sopranos.

Turns out that Juno is a movie about a young woman who gets pregnant in high school and decides to put her child up for adoption. She meets this great adoptive couple early on in her pregnancy and that adds to some more complications in her young life. Like Juno says in the movie, “I’ve been dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.”

The film is a common tale of youth and pregnancy. Juno is played by Ellen Page who was great in Hard Candy and had a minor role in X-Men 3 as Kitty Pride. She delivers in this movie too as a confused teenager. She also has some of the movies laugh-out-loud moments with her witty one-liners. When discussing with the adoptive parents their options she says, “You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.”

The adoptive mother Vanessa is played by Jennifer Garner of Alias fame. I’m not usually a big fan of her work (I’m still bitter about seeing Daredevil), but she’s even good in this movie. She plays that mom who is unable to bear children. She wants a child so bad and the movie shows the effects on her marriage. Her husband Mark is played by Jason Bateman (He seems to be landing a lot of roles these days). Mark is classic as an old musician who never saw his Rock N’ Roll dreams come true so now composes cheesy tunes for commercials. The relationship between him and Juno is very awkward to watch in the movie. Some of the scenes with just the two of them had a weird feeling to them. I left feeling like he was sort of attracted to his high school kid even though he was older and married.

The supporting characters in the movie are hilarious. Juno’s father Mac MacGuff (J.K Simmons) and boyfriend Bleeker (Michael Cera) are great and add a lot of depth to the characters they play. Bleeker is her nerdy boyfriend who is obsessed with orange tic-tacs. The kid seems to be lost most of the film but that’s what you like about the character. He gets a girl pregnant and she decides to give it up for adoption with no real conversation about it. Her father Mac is a dad who’s dealing with his daughter being pregnant at 16. I couldn’t even imagine what that would be like. The film takes a very light approach on the subject. Rainn Wilson (Dwight from The Office) makes a nice cameo in the beginning of the movie and has some pretty funny lines in the film.

Juno is a look at how people deal with those situations. What was different about this movie was when they added the comedy to level of the seriousness of the subject matter. There are some very tense/real moments in the film and instead of taking a serious turn, the movie makes light of it with the comedy. It allows you to still get the message but not leave the film feeling heavy. I left Gone Baby Gone feeling like I had been in an emotional battle royal.

My suggestion: See Juno. Great movie that’s full of laughs and also has a nice message too it. Not too preachy and not too funny. It’s a good mix.

I Am Legend

A few years ago I watched the 1971 movie Omega Man based on Richard Mathesons 1954 book I Am Legend. The movie starred Charlton Heston as Dr. Robert Neville, who was the last man on earth. He was busy working on a cure for an experimental vaccine that has killed most of the world’s population. The people who haven’t died have formed a group/cult called The Family and are lead by Matthias. He leads the group to try and kill Dr. Neville. In tradition of the post civil rights era, these infected want Neville dead because he is not like them and represents the way things used to be before the virus. The infected people looked liked Druids-Klansmen with hoods on protecting them from sunlight. Their skin looked like they had been playing in powdered doughnuts all day, and eyes as red as cranberries. Scary for 1971, not so much in 2007.

Reason # 167 I love seeing movies at the IMAX: I went to our local IMAX at the Seattle Center to see I Am Legend for the 2nd time. Why would I see it twice? IMAX is showing 7 minutes of The Dark Knight the second installment of the new Batman series. The preview is well worth the long lines and $10.75. The Joker looks great and the action sequences just as amazing. Okay back to the movie.

This re-make stars one of my favorites Will Smith. Smith stars as Dr. Neville and is trying to find a cure after most of the world is killed off by the Krippen virus. A virus that was created to help cure cancer. Neville spends his days roaming the streets of New York with his dog Sam systematical checking buildings, leaving a radio message, and working on a cure for the virus. At night he prepares himself to fight off those infected or “dark seekers”.

I thought the movie was great. Here’s why: In the 1971 you saw Dr. Neville as a hero who was here to save the earth and spent the past 3 years working on a cure. No real contact with anyone and was still very much a regular man. I’m not sure in 2007 we would buy that. We know way too much about how the human brain works. Legend shows the affect that 3 years of near isolation can do to a person. The fact that he was working on a cure when the virus broke and all of these people have died. His character carries a lot of that guilt and the film does a great job of showing that.

Since I’ve seen the movie twice I was able to see a few more things. What’s alarming are some of the signs that are posted around the city and in the homes of people. Signs like “WARNING: Infected dogs can come out at night” and “Stay in the light”. Also inside some of the homes have people stockpiling prescription drugs and water. You could tell they were preparing to leave. The thought of people preparing for disaster is almost as bad as the disaster itself.

The dark seekers were alarming. I’m not sure if it was the howling or the how they looked almost transparent and you could almost see their insides. Like most recent movies, these creatures were fast and strong. The age of the slow zombie/vampire/flesh eating human is dead. Of course like the Legend movies in the past, these creatures are sensitive to light. I always tell my friends that if you start eating peoples flesh you are no longer my friend and if I turn into one of those things, kill me because I would definitely kill you. (I do love my friends…………really I do)

There was also what I would like to call a “God piece” in the movie. I think in crisis people will either turn from God or turn to God looking for answers.

Our own World Health Organization always talking about an emerging global pandemic that may or may not infect humans causing serious illness and death. This movie may not be too far from the truth. I doubt we have dark seekers or a group called The Family, but we’ve already seen cholera, influenza, and the Spanish flu can do. We don’t need as strong as the Krippen virus.

My suggestion: Rent Omega Man, and definitely go see I Am Legend. If you can see it at the IMAX I would recommend doing that. The Batman bonus is worth it, but a regular movie theater will do. It’s a good movie and I think won’t be appreciated until years later. I’m just glad they finally got the story right.

Gone Baby Gone

Growing up in Northern California in the 80’s, it seemed like kidnapping was very popular. I think back and it feels like kids were getting stolen every week. I know that was never the case, but I remember having to have a “buddy” to walk home from school with, don’t talk to strangers, and being a latch-key kid. I even remember a kid at my elementary was almost abducted one day after school. I know I’m going to be overprotective when I have kids.

Gone Baby Gone is a film about missing girl that the whole city is trying to find. The story starts as private investigator Patrick Kenzie (Casey Affleck) and his girlfriend/partner Angie Gennaro (Michelle Monaghan) are asked by the family of the missing girl to help find her. The more questions the ask, the more questions seem to arise. The case of the missing girl starts to affect them personally more than it does professionally.

The couple is helped by gritty detective Remy Bressant (Ed Harris) who tries to help them piece together the puzzle and bring the little girl home.

This movie was unexpectedly good. I went in thinking it was going to be a bore fest or another “who done it” that shows it’s poker hand way too early and I’d be spending the last hour of the movie praying it doesn’t end that way. Michelle Monaghan is great in the movie as the apathetic partner who wants to help find the girl. She’s secretly moving up on my personal Hot 25 list. She was great in Heartbreak Kid and in Gone Baby Gone. I think it’s the light freckles. I’m not sure really, but she’s solidified her spot. Amy Ryan is great as the drug addicted mom Helene McCready. A few years ago I would volunteer for this homeless teen feed at one our local YMCA’s. She reminded me of a lot of the moms that I would see come in and out of there.

It was great to see Michael K Williams aka Omar on The Wire make a cameo in the movie. The Wire is by far my favorite show on TV and I’m always excited when I see one of the stars in something else.

Casey Affleck does a really good job in the film as well. I wasn’t sure if he could be the star of the movie, but he handles it well. He was most famous for his roles in the Oceans movies. I thought he was definitely headed down the same path as Tito Jackson, Frank Stallone, Omar Gooding, Haylie Duff, and my all-time favorite Don Swayze.

My Suggestion: This film is a great look at what is right or wrong , and if there is any gray area or if the line you cross is ever blurred. I loved the ending. It leaves you with a “what would you do” debate with strong points for either side to be made.

Michael Clayton

George Clooney is on a short list of actors who I’ll see in most movies. I start to believe that he is that character (maybe not Batman) and you get sucked into the movie. I loved him in Syriana, Oceans 11, Out Of Sight and From Dusk Till Dawn.

I had to see Michael Clayton! I thought there was way too much hype. The first article I read about the movie was all about the Oscar Clooney was going to get for this role. That’s always a red flag for me. Some of these movies that are nominated for Academy Awards are sometimes good movies, but not fun to watch. Clayton was an exception.

This films starts Arthur Edens (Tom Wilkinson) strips off his clothes in a deposition. Clayton (George Clooney) is sent in by the firm to clean up the mess and help hold his friend together. Edens has spent the six years defending a $3 billion lawsuit against a new agrochemical company U North. After being convinced that his friend has just been off his meds. Clayton starts to realize that maybe he’s not really crazy at all. Maybe some of the gibberish that was coming out of his mouth actually meant something.

Tom Wilkinson is great as the crazed man who’s come to his senses. He plays the crazy role so well. Everything from buying large amounts of French bread to his obsession with a children’s book and making the connections with the case.
Clooney is amazing as well. His character has so many layers. You see his frustrations with the firm, his family life, his relationship with his son, even his gambling problem. As the movie moves forward, you begin to see how the corruption gets to him. There is a sense of realism too it. He reminded me of myself in some ways. A company man who’s doing his job and trying to get his stuff together. Trying to have a healthy balance between his family and finances and work. That’s most people in America who struggle with striving to be “well off” and having to manage that with the relationships they have.

My suggestion: Check out Michael Clayton. Not a “feel good” movie, but is a mature movie (no not like that) and is a harsh look at corporations and how they may work. It’s what one of my co-workers would call a “shot of reality”.

Stephen King's - The Mist

I’ve always wonder if me and some of my co-workers looked outside and zombies ran the streets, or Jigsaw had us trapped in some where house, or even if we decided to have our retreat at Camp Crystal Lake, how would people react? Would we all ban together? Would I jump in front of a machete for a stranger? Maybe I’d trip someone as we were being chased by Zombies. That could easily buy us 5-10 minutes.

That’s what I liked about the Mist. It answered a lot of those questions for me. I don’t feel like I ever really seen that played out in a movie. Most movies start like that but at some point people have seen enough madness that it brings them together. Saw II sort of scratched the surface in the “finding a needle in the haystack” scene. I laughed out loud thinking, “I could really see someone doing that”.

The Mist starts as there is a storm rolls into town. The next morning the towns people are at the store getting supplies just in case the storm gets worse. As the mist rolls into to town the people soon realize the seemingly harmless mist is actually deadly. They are barricade themselves in the store. David Drayton (Thomas Jane) sees some unworldly things in the loading dock. Now his mission is to keep whatever is out there from coming in, protect his son, and figure out what exactly what is causing this mist.

The movie is about the monsters inside the store as well as the monsters outside. One of the monsters is Mrs. Carmody (Marcia Gay Harden) who goes on and on about this being the end of the world and man having to pay for its sins. As the movie goes on she starts to look more and more like a prophet or “God’s vessel” and less like a crazy woman. Brent Norton (Andre Braugher) is a non believer. He thinks the mist is what it is and the locals are trying to pull a fast one on him. He and others decide to leave the safety of the store and brave the mist. Not a good idea.

The movie is good. It deals with the nature of man (or woman). We are all raised different and have different believes, responsibilities, world views. All of that comes out in a crisis situation. So you think you have 8 really good friends? Trap you all in a house and tell you that death is outside waiting to get in and you have to figure a way out. Who snaps? Who is going to be the Ms. Carmody of the group? Who decides to “sacrifice” someone for the greater good of the group? Who says I’ll give my life so the rest can live? Hopefully I’ll never have to answer any of these questions.

My suggestion: Go see the movie! It’s good and will possible give you the creeps. There aren’t too many good scary movies, but this delivers some good thrills.

My grade: 3.3 – Okay grades in a mediocre class. Your classmates need to step it up

No Country For Old Men

I watch a ton of movies and have grown fond of the Coen Brothers work. Raising Arizona is one of my favorite movies. You could imagine my delight when I heard they were writing/directing No Country For Old Men. I’ve never read the books. Books are only good for burning (really I love to read), but everyone said the book was amazing. I knew I was going to see it no matter what the reviews said. I was reading one of my favorite sports writers Bill Simmons of ESPN’s weekly football column and his said “if somebody has a good explanation for the last 25 minutes of that movie, I'd love to hear it. Everyone at my theater applauded when it was over, like something special had just happened. Meanwhile, I was sitting there going, "Wait, it's over? What the hell just happened?" That’s exactly how I felt.

The movie starts as hunter Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin) stumbles upon the aftermath of a deadly shootout and 2 million dollars in cash. Like most people he takes the money and makes plans to leave town. Moss knows that whoever lost this money will be looking for it very shortly, but what he doesn’t know is that he’s being tracked by killer/psychopath named Chigurh (Javier Bardem). Tommy Lee Jones lays Sheriff Ed Tom Bell who is trying to track the killer and find Moss to help keep him safe. The movie picks up quickly and is a very tense atmosphere for the first 100 of the 122 minutes this movie runs.

This is one of those films that is very character driven. You feel for Moss’ character. He’s like most of us. What would you do if you found $2,000,000? Most people would keep it and leave town just as fast as they found the money. Moss is a regular guy that has an idea that’s he’s gotten into some trouble but really has no idea the type of people he’s mixed up with. The movie sparked an interesting conversation with me and my roommate. He says he’d keep it and head out of town. I said I’d plead ignorance or turn the money in. I feel he’d always be looking over his shoulder wondering if whoever lost the money was coming to collect. He says I’d always be wondering, “What if I just kept the money?” I think we are both right.

What really helps propel this movie is the villain Chigurh. From the first time you see him on screen, he creeps you out and every time they show him you know something bad is going to happen. It wasn’t just his haircut and odd facial expressions. Or even his strange way he engaged in conversations that made you feel like it made sense to him and nobody else. Maybe it was the fact that he killed people with an air pressure can and filled his victims head with air. It could have been the sick sense of honor that he displays. A little bizarre but definitely made you fear the guy if you didn’t already. He is easily one of my favorite movie villains. He was everything you want out of a villain. Chigurh was smart, sick, fearless, and didn’t seem to care who got in his way.

The movie hits its climax and I’m sitting in my seat thinking “Oh this is going to be goooooooooooooood” that’s about the same time the movie took an unexpected/unnecessary turn for the worst. I was looking around the theater thinking maybe I leaped like the guy from Journeyman into another movie. There has to be a worst feeling than that in life, but it has to rank pretty high. Somewhere between having a blind date with a real blind person and realizing you sent a Valentine’s Day card for Keesha in an envelope addressed to Jamie (that pain never goes away). I’d like compare it to having a date with Beyonce and then she invites you back to her place. You think it’s “go-time” and you get to her house and Jay-Z is there relaxing on the couch. It just didn’t end like you hoped it would. Kind of hard to tell your friends you had a great time without mentioning the disappointment at the end. That’s how I feel about No Country. Could have ended great if the Coen Brothers didn’t have Jay-Z on the couch for the last 25 minutes.

My suggestion: Go see it if you want to. The first 100 minutes are very good and it really gets you hooked into the story. I wouldn’t be mad if you saw it but when you see a hotel pool for the first time this is your sign to quickly get up and leave. When Beyonce invites me back to her place I’ll say, “No I think I’ll just call it a night” and always wonder what might have been. Maybe that’s the same logic that would have me give the money back.

My grade: 3.0 – You did great on your homework, but failed the final miserably. Better luck next time.

American Gangster

I love watching movies that are “based on a true story”. I’ve always viewed those stories as 3 parts truth and 1 part “Hollywood”. I know that my life would have some exciting ups and downs to it, but my usual day-to-day activities would probably bore you to death. I couldn’t imagine people watching my life unfold on a big screen as I toggle through my fantasy football team or look for new cologne at Macy’s. American Gangster is based on the life of Frank Lucas. Driver turned kingpin who ruled the streets of Harlem for years. Thankfully his life wasn’t as mundane as mine so it made for a much better motion picture.

American Gangster starts as crime boss Bumpy Johnson passes away and Frank Lucas (Denzel Washington) vows to get the money back that people owed Bumpy. At a lost to find ways to make money, Lucas comes up with the idea of getting heroin straight from Vietnam and bypassing the middleman. He outsmarts the competition and because the main supplier to the inner-city drug scene in New York City. Lucas becomes a major figure and draws the attention of New Jersey policeman Ritchie Roberts (Russell Crowe).

The movie does a great job of showing multiple sides of the drug game. You are able to see how the lifestyle affected his wife and his family. The supporting characters did a great job (Cuba Gooding Jr. as Nicky Barnes especially), but Crowe and Denzel basically ran a two man game for the entire film. Both actors are so far beyond talented that it makes the movie work.

After watching the movie I had a ton of questions so I went to my own person history expert, my dad. I asked him how someone was able to make so much money in the 1960’s.

Dad Fact #1
He said that a lot of the soldiers from Vietnam were coming home drug addicted. Some picked up habits while serving overseas and others received morphine to help with the pain of lost appendages, but were not adequately shown how to kick the drug. This means you had a ton of junkies with money coming home from the war.

Dad fact #2
My dad concludes that Vietnam had the best weed and “everyone knew it” He had a friend in the military who would take whole duffle bags full of weed off the plan and nobody ever checked him. Seems crazy, but I guess a lot of that stuff really happened.

Since the American Gangster opened there have been interviews with Bumpy Johnson’s family, officer Ritchie Roberts, Nicky Barnes and even Frank Lucas. There are conflicting reports as to what actually happened and what details were left out or added. What we do know is an amazing story about a man who made choices in life. Life is about the choices you make and he chose to sell drugs. I wonder how different his life would be if he decided to do something else.

My Suggestion: I there was one movie out to see this fall it would be American Gangster. It’s informative, sad, intriguing, cool, and will definitely start a few conversations.

My Grade: 3.5 – Great job. We’ll done, but not sure if you showed enough work.

My Obsession with Scrooge McDuck

As a kid I watched a ton of cartoons. By a lot I mean a lot! I may have watched more T.V than legally possible. The more I watched the more the characters started to stick with me. I loved Optimus Prime and his leadership, the courage of He-Man, how cool Heathcliff was even though he lived in a dump, and the wittiness of Bugs Bunny. None of these characters struck a chord with me as much as Scrooge McDuck.

Uncle Scrooge a Scottish born duck who is known for his love of money. His American grand -nephews Hewy, Dewey, and Louie never seemed to fully understand Scrooge and his obsession with money. He was rich beyond his means. They even had a robot in the home that would help around the house. Scrooge was portrayed a businessman who was very successful and was always looking at a way not to spend his riches. He worked his way up from the bottom and was all about hard work and earning every penny.

Scrooge resided in the town of Duckburg. Duckburg is a small town and not very rich. Scrooge had so many companies there that he kept the town running and continued to make more money and more money. He made so much money that he kept it in his “Money Bin” which sat on a big hill for everyone in Duckburg to see. It was like a slap in the face to all the residence. No wonder the Beagle Boys, a family of ex-cons, wanted his fortune. Every time they left their low-income home they had to look up and see the money bin knowing that Scrooge was probably in there swimming around in his fortune.

How did Uncle Scrooge obtain his fortune? According to “Voodoo Hoodoo” published in 1949, Scrooge used an army of “cutthroats” to get the tribe to abandon their lands in order to establish a diamond-mining colony. Foola Zoola an African sorcerer and chief of Voodoo cursed Scrooge. That may be why Uncle Scrooge was always obsessed with money. He seemed possessed when he would hear about a diamond or sunken treasure and dollar signs would pop up in his eyes. It was like he couldn’t control. Scrooge was always being led somewhere to find some lost gold. It wasn’t as if they had to pull his leg. He was always easily persuaded. The thought of more riches would lure him in. Now it’s all starting to make sense.

I wondered for years why that character always resonated with me. It’s because Scrooge McDuck is most Americans today. Just think about it. He was all about himself. He would risk his nephews lives, Mrs. Beakley, Launchpad, Gyro, Doofus, it didn’t matter. If he thought there was money involved he would travel any and everywhere and take any risk.

All he cared about was his money. You remember seeing more scenes with him swimming in his money than you do with his grand-nephews. Everyone in Duckburg knew that his biggest fear was being broke and back in the poor house. He was so concerned with things that didn’t really matter in life. After ruthlessly taking over an African country he became wealthy and his life mission was trying to maintain that wealth.

Why was he never married? All this time and he could never settle down with anyone? He was too obsessed with his career. What woman would want to come second to a man’s money? She’d never win. I think all these women knew that and it was hard for him to give it up.

His most prize possession? His number one dime. The first dime he ever earned. There was something mystical about it. He earned it signing shoes in Scotland. It was an American dime and not worth any money. Scrooge kept it as a reminder to never be fooled again. I never realized Scrooge has such a hardened heart.

There is a little bit of Scrooge in all of us. People always stress college for education. How often do we stress that we need to be educated. We are taught to go to college so we can go out and get a job and make money. It’s about earning potential and not about what you are passionate about. I’ll be the first to admit that once you start making money, it’s hard to give up that lifestyle. Most of us struggle with that, much like Uncle Scrooge and his quest to always make money. How else could he keep his private plane, or robot maid or lavish top hats and nice suits. How else can you pay for your new car, condo, wedding and still take trips to Vegas.

If Scrooge was around today he’d be on MTV Cribs with a Lamborghini and some “stunna shades” showing off his mansion and all his new gadgets with his bad nephews running around. He’d be a CEO of a major company donating to presidential campaigns that are helping pass laws to keep his businesses flourishing with little concern about the poor people in his town and the wages they make, as long as McDuck Industries kept making money.

He’d be that unmarried man/woman who was so career driven that they never settled down. Always about making that extra money. Like a friend told me the other day. Scrooge was always concerned about the end result and not invested in the process. You have to be invested in your relationships. Scrooge was invested in his money. It made him a wealthy man, but a lonely man.

As yourself, how much Scrooge McDuck do I have in me. I asked myself and I have more than I would like to admit. Still I strive to have a little less Scrooge and a little more of me.

The Heartbreak Kid

Wrestlers usually have pretty lame attire and look goofy but what makes them stand out is the name. Names like Andre the Giant, Ultimate Warrior, Ravishing Rick Rude, The Undertaker, and The Road Warriors. One of my friends swears the best professional wrestler of all time is Shawn Michaels The Heartbreak Kid. He will not allow you to say anything negative about HBK in his home or you will quickly see the door. I may not have to liked him but I had to admit that his name was great. It can go both ways he can be the guy who never gets a break with the ladies or the guy who never gives the ladies a break.

With the Farrlley brothers adaptation to the 1972 movie set to hit theaters, I wasn’t sure which Heartbreak Kid was going to show up.

HBK opens with Eddie Cantrow (Stiller) a 40 year old single man set to spend his Valentine’s day alone at his ex-fiancés wedding. After sitting through the ceremony he meets the girls of his dreams. Soon after they are married and plan a trip to Mexico. As quickly as they get married Eddie realizes that he may have been in way over his head. At the resort he meets Miranda (Michelle Monaghan) and falls instantly in love. Now he’s faced with the dilemma of getting rid of his wife and spending time with his new love.

I would love to recommend this movie to my mom, but I know she wouldn’t get past the first few minutes. There is a lot of crude, rude humor. Those happen to be some of the funniest scenes in the movies. None of which they are able to show on a the trailer for the movie. If you are easily offended, this movie is not for you.
This movie has some of the most ridiculous love scenes I’ve ever seen. It’s not just the physical humor but some of the lines that are delivered are priceless. I was laughing after the movie.

Some scene stealers include Carlos Mencia as Uncle Tito. I’m not even a fan of Carlos Mencia. I actually think he’s not very funny, but he’s great in this film. Malin Akerman as Lila the good girl gone crazy. She does a great job as her story unravels and Eddie finds out more and more about her past. Jerry Stiller as Doc has a very small role, but all of his scenes are funny. He even reminds me of my dad. My dad is constantly trying to pimp me out to young women. We had a conversation one day that went like this

Dad: Hey son how are you?
Me: I’m good, just watching tv (girl laughing in the background)
Dad: Is that a girl?
Me: Yeah that’s my friend, she’s over here hanging out
Dad: (rushing off the phone) I’ll let you go. Take care of business son!

Hopefully once I’m married those phone calls will stop


My suggestion: Other than Superbad it’s the funniest movie I’ve seen all year. I laughed more at this than I did at Pirates (yes I’m still mad). I’m off to see this movie again this week. You will definitely leave this movie with a few more slang words that you didn’t have before.

My grade: 3.7 – You can get a good grade just by making the teacher laugh. What a skill!

3:10 To Yuma

I heard a few months ago that Gladiator (Crowe) and Batman (Bale) were starring in a western together called 3:10 To Yuma. They are both two of my favorite actors right now. If I heard they were starring in a film, even if it sounded bad, I might say “Hmmm It could be worth seeing.” For some reason that title sounded familiar.

I went home that night and searched my TiVo and found it on my Westerns Channel. One of the million channels that I pay $89 for every month. That brings me to my rant for the week. Why don’t cable companies let you choose what channels you watch and they can charge you. It can be a base rate for 25 channels and you can pay extra for the pay channels like Showtime and HBO. If you want 25-50 channels you can pay more for that. I think that’s a great idea. I would have half of the channels that I have now. Now if you don’t have cable or satellite you can’t get any channel. Why aren’t more people upset about this?

Anyway I watched the 1957 original Yuma and it was really good, surprisingly good. My roommate said that if the remake was anything close to the original it would be a hit. You know what, he was right.

Yuma picks up with struggling farmer Dan Evans (Bale) crosses paths with notorious outlaw Ben Wade (Crowe). Desperate for money Evans agrees to help transport Wade to the town of Contention and put him on the 3:10 to Yuma Prison where he will be hanged (hence the name of the movie).

They really sell the fact that Wade is a ruthless killer. As you watch the movie you realize that Wade isn’t the only one to be worried about. His outfit is on the way to bust their leader out before he’s put on that train. They are lead by his second in command Charlie Prince (Ben Foster. I almost didn’t recognize him but he played Angel in X-Men 3). Prince is a reckless gunslinger who will shoot anything in sight. He’s a very colorful and one of the more memorable characters in Yuma. So much that in my Fantasy Football League a friend changed his team name to Charlie Prince, and another friend is determined to start a bike club called “The Outfit”.

There are some differences between the original and the updated version of the story. Most notably the ending of the movie, but it still has the same feel to it. Some of the scenes are taken straight from the 1957 version and are done well. This version has way more gunfights and is a lot more graphic, but never gets off track. The characters remain the same and even the characters they added fit in very well. They did a great job adapting this film. You figure it’s been 50 years so something has to change. Showing a struggling farmer in 1957 is different than in 2007. This movie showed how it affected his family and the relationship with his wife and kids.

My suggestion: The best movie of the fall so far. Great remake and a fun story to tell. It’s one of those stories you’d hear as a kid. Bale and Crowe both deliver in this film. I think I may go see it again.

My Grade: 3.3 – Way to start off the Fall. A few tweaks here and there and you may have gotten an A.

You're Up Mr. West

I thought I’d blog about the latest in hip-hop news. Kanye v. 50 Cent. Who’s going to sell more records.

I think the rivalry is good. It's been good for our sports. Look at Red Sox/Yankees, Bulls/Pistons of the early 90's, and the Colts/Patriots. Each year they would have to step it up a little because they knew the other team was going to bring their 'A' game. The lack of real competition has made for some lackluster music these past few years. Look at the 60's. My dad sang in a group called "The Raggedy Roaches". He tells me that the competition was so intense that everybody had to be good or else you didn't stand a chance. I think that's why we have such timeless music come out of that era. There weren't all these media oultets so everyone was battling for the same spots. I would love to see that now.

I’m a huge fan of Kanye and knew his album would do well. He’s projected to have sold an upwards of 957,000 units his first week. Fifty comes in second with roughly 691,000.

In comparison, fellow rapper/producer Swizz beats only sold 45,000 his first week and was heard on a local radio station complaining about his numbers. That’s gotta sting. You have two singles released, two videos, you are on a major label and you can’t move records. It’s not like the bootleggers have it. There is no buzz on the street “ You got that Swizz Beats?” People don’t even seem to care.

It’s a rough game out there. There have always been grumbles about record companies purchasing records to boost sales for the first week. I’m sure everything seems okay when it comes out and then when your mid week numbers come out and you aren’t doing so hot you start thinking about your promotion, advertising, videos, what single you released first. It’s got to drive any person crazy.

We all saw Kanye spazz out back stage at the VMA’s. I think he’s under that stress and he’s also very passionate about what his music.

Fifty is also very competitive as well and has had big releases for his first two albums.

This idea that Fifty would retire was nonsense. What are you going to do if you don’t rap? The only reason rappers retire is so that they can come back. It’s just like those boy bands that “break up” and then get back together for a reunion album and reunion tour. The Backstreet Boys just got back together. Why? Who cares? Not this guy.

I don’t want to see Fifty Dates for Fifty Cent on VH1 two years from now. I don’t want to see Fifty in some straight to DVD movies where he plays a cop or an ex con or a rapper who’s mixed up with the wrong crowd. Whenever I see an interview with Fifty I walk away feeling like he’s a really intelligent guy. I’m sure he’ll get involved in more than just rapping. You can’t have too much idle time on your hands. Look what’s it’s doing to OJ (sorry Juice).

I hope we see more friendly competition from our music artist. Maybe we’ll start to see better performances at these awards shows and get better albums out of some of these artist.

Balls Of Fury: "I'm going to Disneyland"

I use to see sneak previews all of the time. It felt like I was going every week. Somehow I got too busy working out, taking boxing lessons, or just sitting at home doing nothing, that I forgot how much fun they are. You can say, “I saw movie x and it was pretty good”. When they say, “Is that out already?” you can say, “No! It’s not out yet” with a smile on your face, leaving them a little puzzled as to how you saw the movie. Last night I had the pleasure of seeing a sneak preview of the new comedy Balls Of Fury.

BOF is a tale about an ex ping-pong champion Randy Daytona (Dan Folger) who is brought out of retirement by FBI Agent Rodriquez (George Lopez) to catch a dangerous criminal, Mr. Feng (Christopher Walken).

After being out of the game for so long Daytona is trained by a blind man Master Wong (James Hong) and his niece Maggie (Maggie Q). They both put Daytona through grueling training to get him ready for Feng’s tournament. Maggie Q is the “eye candy” for the movie. She’s definitely going to be bumped up on next year’s Maxims Hot 100 after her roles Live Free or Die Hard and BOF.

This movie has so many comical references to Enter The Dragon. The group travels to Feng’s island compound which is very reminiscence of Mr. Han’s compound in Enter the Dragon. Even down the scene in ETD where all the fighters are practicing, there is a scene just like it in BOF put instead of martial arts, it’s ping pong.

BOF has some great characters Mr. Wong is funny and there is a lot of subtle jokes they use about him being blind. Him not facing people while he’s talking, and asking “What just happened? What am I missing?”

Daytona’s nemesis is German Karl Wolfschtagg (Reno 911’s Thomas Lennon). He beat Daytona back in the ’88 Olympics and has showed up at Feng’s tournament to win it all. Karl is extremely sarcastic, rude and hilarious all at the same time.

Walken is great as Feng. He has great timing with his jokes in the movie, not to mention all the ridiculous outfits and sunglasses he randomly shows up in. I can’t tell if he’s a alien or a vampire. The first time I can remember seeing Christopher Walken was when I was a kid in that movie The Dead Zone. He was pretty creepy in that. Who knew that 24 years later I’d be laughing at him in comedies.

My Suggestion: BOF is a great comedy. May not be the funniest movie I’ve seen all year, but worth the matinee price for a good laugh. If not for the great ping pong scenes, see it for Christopher Walken and his futuristic vampire outfits.

My grade: 3.0- Not the best student, but it pays to show a little effort when nobody else is.

W-A-R is B-A-D

All summer I’ve sworn that Pirates Caribbean 3 was by far the worst movie I’ve seen. That was until Saturday afternoon when I went to go see Jet Li and Jason Statham star in War. I got together with three of my good friends and I must say we were all very excited to see this movie. None of us really had high expectations. We wanted to see an “ok” plot, some good action, a few laughs , and a big finish. Let’s just say we got none of the things on our wish list.

Statham plays Crawford an FBI agent who’s a complete bad (you know what) that works in San Francisco’s Chinatown. He knows martial arts and speaks fluent Chinese. One day Crawford’s partner Tom (Terry Chen) and his wife and daughter are killed by Rouge (Jet Li). Fast forward to 3 years later and Crawford is obsessed with the case and is divorced from his wife because of it. He’s spent the last few years trying to find Rouge, who for some reason changes his face every six months.

We all know what happens next. Rouge shows up again and Crawford is on the case. This time Rouge is starting a war between two crime families, the Triads and Yakuza. The two families feud with Rouge and Crawford’s battle caught somewhere in the middle.

The only reason I had a problem with this film was because it could have been a B+ film, and somehow it ended up being a C- (and that may be generous). The fight scenes with Jet Li and the cool cars saved the film, and now make it a rental.

Some of the movies funnier moments come from Wick (Mathew St. Patrick) who is an FBI agent. Now it’s not anything that his character does in the film, but how horrible his acting was. I’m sure if you look him up on IMDB you’ll see he has a nice body of work. War was definitely not one of his best performances. The guy looks like Barry Bonds and Theo from the Cosby show had a kid. I’m still wondering how he got that part in this movie.

The plot stunk! There was a twist at the end that really made no sense at all, and the ending was terrible. I was hoping to see this great fight scene between Jet Li and Jason Statham, and that didn’t happen. I thought I’d get some good action and that didn’t happen either. I’m not sure what direction this movie was going. It seemed to be all over the place at times. The crime bosses didn’t seem bad enough. You always need a good villain and the villains in this film were a little too happy. They gave us no real reason to cheer for Crawford as he chases Rouge all over town. I found myself cheering for Rouge more than anything.

My suggestion: Don’t see it. Rent it if you REALLY love Jet Li or have a taste for bad movies. Me and my friends were very disappointed. We discussed the movie and tried to salvage what we could. Ultimately we all decided it was one of the worst movies of the summer.

My grade- 2.2: You failed your final. Now you have to face the music at home. Maybe you should stay at your friends house until your parents cool off.

High School High

I loved my time in High School. I attended a ton of schools from grades K thru 12th grade, 12 total to be exact. My remaining three years being spent at Garfield High School. Some of the craziest, funniest, wildest years of my young life. With that said I really enjoy high school movies. I think they are a riot. Sometimes I look at characters and feel like that’s me on screen, but most of the time I think it allows writers, directors or whoever else is working on the film to relive their high school days.

Superbad is a film about two high school friends Evan (Michael Cera) and Seth (Jonah Hill) living their last two weeks of high school. When their friend Fogell (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) gets a fake ID (under the name McLovin) they are asked to bring alcohol to the party where the girls of their dreams are. Seth’s plan is to get drunk and lose his virginity to Jules (Emma Stone). Evan just wants to tell his dream girl Becca (Martha MacIsaac) how he feels.

With most plans you make in high school, things quickly get out of hand. McLovin is punched in a robbery at the liquor store. Now with no money and no liquor Seth and Evan scramble to find ways to get alcohol or they have no chance of hooking up with the girls of their dreams.

Fogell aka McLovin is one of the funniest characters in the movie. He’s this nerd who I don’t think realizes he’s not really all that cool. He talks like a wannnabe gangster and makes this scratching sound with his voice. McLovin spends most of the movie with two incompetent police officers Slater (Bill Hader) and Michaels (Seth Rogen). These two cops run around town not doing their jobs and playing light sabers with thier flashlights. To protect and to serve is the last thing on their minds.

Seth spends most of the movie sounding like he’s going to lose his mind over not hooking up with Jules. He blast Fogell with insult after insult. Sometimes it out of frustration and others because he considers Fogell not to be the coolest guy on the planet. A lot of Seth’s scenes provide some the movies vulgar and hilarious moments.

Although this movie is a riot to watch, and almost non-stop humor from beginning to end, there are some good points to the movie. You get to see how two friends deal with going off to different schools, underage drinking, high school parties, trying to have enough guts to tell a girl how they feel, and just trying to fit in. The movie is great because it tackles those issues and never misses a beat.

My Suggestion: May be the funniest movie of the year. This movie is not kids or anyone who’s offended easily. It’s really one of those R rated, vulgar, offensive, high school movies. Although it’s a tale as old as time, the movie seems pretty fresh. Maybe it’s the string of PG-13 comedy that has been out the past few years. In the film they try some new gags and new bits in the film that I’m sure some new movies will try and copy. You’ll be seeing a ton of kids using the name McLovin. It’s already the name of my Fantasy Football team. “What’s up Gangstas?”

My Grade: 3.7 – Keep this up and you’ll get into any party you want to all year long.

3 The Hard Way

I have a personal rule about the third installment of movies and that’s the John Starks Rule. John Starks was a great 3 point shooter for the New York Knicks in the 90’s. Starks was some fans favorite Knick and some others most hated player because of how streaky he was. When he was on he was ON (wipe him down), but when he wasn’t he really wasn’t. That’s how I feel about third installments for movies. Sometimes the third a movie can work well. Movies like Die Hard with a Vengeance, Mission Impossible 3, Return of the Jedi, The Return of the King, and most recently Oceans 13 and Spiderman 3. Most of the time these movies are not so good. The only problem is that the list for movies that don’t work is much, much longer. Some of the worst ones I can remember are Back to the Future 3, Beverly Hills Cop 3, The Matrix Revolutions, Blade Trinity, Scream 3, The Godfather 3, Fast and The Furious Tokyo Drift, and most recently Pirates of the Caribbean at Worlds End (Yes I’m still mad about it)

The only way the Starks Rule works is that people have to buy in to the first two movies. Starks was a great player and has been involved in some of the NBA’s greatest moments. He would score 35 one night and the next night this same guy would shoot you out the game. That’s how those movies are. The first movie has to be good and the sequel has to be at least tolerable but you don’t have to love it. It has to pull you in enough so that when the third movie is as entertaining as watching old people shuffle board, you feel like you’ve been wronged in some way. You give the guy at the ticket booth a look like, “You knew this movie sucked and you let me buy a ticket anyway. Why didn’t you warn me?”

Rush Hour 3 had the potential to land on either side. I went in wanting the movie to be entertaining enough that I didn’t feel like I was robbed without a gun or any use of force but not enough so that Bret Ratner would be sitting at home this spring writing a script that involved Lee and Carter going to Australia and fighting Aborigine Triads steroid smugglers.

Rush Hour picks up where it left off. Carter (Chris Tucker) is a uniform cop directing traffic. (After all this guys done he’s directing traffic? How’s this possible?) Lee (Jackie Chan) is protecting Ambassador Han (Tzi Ma) as he is about to expose a secret of one of the world’s most dangerous gangs. Han is shot as he delivers his speech and his daughter Soo Yung’s (Jingchu Zhang) life is in danger as well. Carter and Lee set off to find who is responsible. This search leads them to Paris.

The two are joined by Genevieve (Noemie Lenoir) and their cab driver George (Yvan Attal) who provides some funny dialogue. The movie starts off funny and continues to be funny all the way through. A few of their bits work and some of them seem really forced, but I did laugh out loud a few times. A lot of the humor seems to be Chris Tucker just being Chris Tucker and how comfortable he seems on screen with Jackie and how well they work together.

I always felt that the first two were good action movies that were funny. I felt that this movie was a funny movie with some okay action. None of the fight scenes made me say “ohhhhhhhhh”. The movie was missing something.

The plot itself was crazy and didn’t really make sense at all. The ending was pretty terrible. I thought my 10 year old niece wrote it. The crazy thing is I was laughing so much that I didn’t realize it until the end of the movie.

My Suggestion: This movie reminds me of the good John Starks. Go see it. I know I may have made it sound like Ernest Goes to Jail meets Shanghi Surprise but it is worth seeing. The comedy alone is worth the trip. It’s no Spiderman 3 or Return of the Jedi but definitely not Blade Trinity or that Pirate nonsense.

My Grade: 3.0 – You only passed because you were funny in class all year long. Great job!

I spy you…...spying me!

I have to admit that I wasn’t really ever a fan of Matt Damon. It wasn’t until I watched the Departed and I hated him through the whole movie. The only other Damon movies I can stand are the Bourne movies.

I really liked the first movie a lot. When I went to see Bourne Supremecy I was on a “date” I’m with all of my friends and they know how much I wanted to see this movie. She gets up and leaves about 20 minutes into the movie. She’s gone for about 5-10 minutes and so since she’s technically my date I get up to go check on her. I find her outside the theater sitting down on a bench and she’s crying talking about how sick she was and she couldn’t watch it. The camera jerked around too much. So being the nice guy I am I sat outside with her for the remainder of the movie. Since it didn’t really workout between us I feel like an idiot, but at the time I felt I did the right thing. If I’m on a date now I’ll give her a roll of quarters and she’ll play video games until I’m done.

This new Bourne is a one of those summer movies that comes up late. It reminds me of a politician who’ll throw his name out there late just to steal some votes.

The movie starts with some action as we see Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) still on the hunt for his true identity, battling bad guys as his amnesia at the same time. At the same time local newspaper reporter has been following Bourne’s story and wants to find out more about Treadstone and the people involved. The government has started a new group of young assasins codenamed Blackbriar. These guys are like Jason Bourne but younger and have cooler gadgets to use.

Bourne has help in this movie from Nicky (Julie Stiles. Who I swear is Alicia Silverstone 2007. I hope she can get it together and land some bigger roles) and Pamela Landy (Joan Allen who I loved in Face/Off)

The movie is full of action but there are some dry points. I’m not sure if it’s because I saw a 9:50 movie on a Friday night after a long week or the food coma I slipped into after Johnny Rockets or if those scenes were really that dry. When I think about it, I really liked the movie. There was nothing spectacular about it other than some cool fight scenes and you get to see Bourne tear people apart with the newest edition of US Weekly. I would love to see how the people at Treadstone teach that in fighting class.

My suggestion: Go see it if you’ve enjoyed the other two movies. It’s worth the $9.75 I spent and it was really a good movie to see with a group of guys. It’s a great way to end a run of good Summer movies.

My Grade: 3.0 – Way to go! Not fantastic but at least you can hold your head up when you tell people what your GPA is.

Convict Radio

There are few actors who seem to have roles in movies that I like. Don Cheadle happens to be one of them. I know if I see a trailer and it looks a little suspect and at the very end it says “Starring Don Cheadle” I’ll say “Hmmm doesn’t look half bad” The first time I can remember seeing him was on Hanging With Mr. Cooper. If I think about it, the first time I really saw him was when he played Rocket in the movie Colors. From then on it just seemed like a string of movies that I enjoyed Rosewood, Out Of Sight, Family Man, Traffic, Swordfish, Oceans 11., The Assassination Of Richard Nixon, Crash, Hotel Rwanda and now Talk to Me. This has to be one of the best movies I’ve seen this summer. Anything is better than Pirates of the Caribbean (yes I’m still bitter)

Talk To Me is based on the life of Ralph Waldo “Petey” Greene (Don Cheadle) who was an ex-con turned radio personality in the D.C area. The movie follows Petey as he leaves prison and lands a job as the morning DJ at WOL-AM. Petey is given the job by Dewey Hughes (Chiwetel Ejiofor) who is in search for new talent to compete with a rival radio station.

During the film you see how Petey spoke to the people, for the people. It reminds me of one of my friend EJ landed job on ESPN to talk about sports. I could see him being completely bias to the Yankees, Lakers, and Barry Bonds. He would completely ignore Hockey, Soccer and Tennis. Petey’s story reminded me of sort of voice that’s missing today. He was a voice on the airways who wasn’t concerned about ratings, sponsors, or the FCC. He just wanted to “tell it like it is”. He wanted to talk about race the way people talked behind closed doors. He wanted to bring up topics that were on people’s hearts and were just too afraid to discuss. People didn’t just tune in to hear the great soul music he would play, but to hear what Petey had to say. 9 times out of 10 they felt the same way.

You don’t just see Petey as this great libertarian, you also get a chance to see his faults and how that had influence on his life. The same traps that our celebrities run into today. Alcohol, women, more alcohol, and more women.

One of the great storylines of the movie was Petey’s relationship with Dewey. Two men with different ways of doing things, but the same heart for the people. The movie does a great job of depicting their relationship as Petey goes from convict to radio icon.

This movie also has a wonderful, humorous performance from Taraji P Henson as Vernell, Petey’s girlfriend. Her hilarious outburst and even more hilarious choice of clothes really give the movie that extra laugh to help you swallow some of the seriousness in the film.

Talk To Me is a great film. Although it doesn’t fit with the rest of the Summer Blockbusters we’ve seen, it’s well worth the price of admission. It’s better than most movies I’ve seen this summer. I’m hoping this movie inspires some people to speak up and speak out like Petey did.

My suggestion: Go see it. If not for Don Cheadles performance at least for Petey’s story and for some of the movies funny moments.

My Grade: 3.5 – Keep it up. Maybe your parents will buy you a new car…………..or at least say they will to keep you working hard in school.

Roll Out!!!!

Did I really wait a lifetime for this or, am I just imagining things. . It was finally here, a live action Transformers. I knew it would look good since Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg are involved. I sat through weeks of my friend leaving me mean messages like “Hey did you hear what happened? They are pulling Transformers out of the theaters because something is wrong with the movie. Sorry.” If any of that would have been true I’m not sure I wouldn’t be blogging from jail right now. My only question was about the plot and the actors in the film. If those two elements could be good I was guaranteed to be watching the movie of the summer.

I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a complete nerd, but the storyline is simple. Autobots and Decepticons lived peacefully on the same planet until the Decepticon leader Megatron wanted to take over and went after a cube called the Allspark. The Allspark was lost in space and ended up on Earth. The Autobots need to get the Allspark before Megatron gets his hands on it and destroys all human life on earth. Caught in the middle are Sam Witwicky (Shia Le Bouf) and Mikaela (Megan Fox). Sam has something that both the Autobots and the Decpeticons need to find the Allspark.

The plot is believable, and not too cheesy. The characters are good, and not too corny. Some good performances by Tyrese, Jon Voight, Anthony Anderson, and Josh Duhamel. We all know the real stars of the movie are. The Transformers!!! Prototype cars and CGI Robots. Is it possible for Optimus Prime to show up at the Oscars? Maybe he can roll on stage and take out Rosie O’Donnell. How much would you pay to see that? I’m up to $750 and I don’t feel ripped off yet.

The Autobots are include Bumblebee, Jazz, Ratchett and Ironhide and last but not least Optimus Prime. I always thought Jazz was the “black” Autobot. In my head it makes perfect sense. When I watched the cartoon he would always rhyme and he had sunglasses for eyes. He falls right in line with Franklin( from Peanuts), Hong Kong Phooey, and Destro from GI Joe. It didn’t help that I found out Eddie Winslow from Family Matters provides the voice.

The Decpeticons are lead by Megatron, Barricade, Destroyer, Bonecrusher, and Starscream. Megartron is especially evil in the movie, which was great. It was a lot like the 80’s cartoon in that aspect. They even threw in some lines from the animated movie.

The fight sequences were so big and elaborate, but I never felt lost like I couldn’t tell what was going on. I was 10 years old again. I was cheering and applauding Optimus Prime and I really wanted to see them get the best of the Decepticons. I loved the fact that they didn’t show all of the cool scenes on the trailer. There were still plenty of scenes where I could hear the whole crowd “ooooooh” and “ahhhhhh”. You couldn’t tell me it wasn’t real…………..well at least for those 2 ½ hours. After the movie to see all the smiles on my friends faces, I knew I wasn’t the only one who felt like they had a trip back to my childhood.

I haven’t enjoyed a movie with this much hype in a long time. It was well worth the wait. I lived up to my expectations and that’s saying something because my standards can be high at times. (yes I admitted it)

My Suggestion: Do you want to be the last person on earth who hasn’t seen this movie? I didn’t think so.

My Grade – 3.7: You didn’t get a 4.0 because you didn’t want your parents sticking you in a gifted school away from all of your friends.

Animated Classic

The first time I watched Transformers I was blown away. This was a time before all the CGI and life-like animation that we are accustomed to seeing these days with The Incredibles or the Shrek franchise. This was 1986, and more than 20 years ago. I remember my mom not wanting me to see the movie and I remember my uncle Brian who had to be 15 or 16 at the time really excited about it, almost too excited.

It’s hands down one of my favorite movies. The first time I saw it I remember when they stormed the Autobot base and it looked as if these Autobots were being killed. You saw smoke coming out of their eyes. It looked as if the Autobots were doomed and then came Optimus Prime. I love my dad so don’t get me wrong, but I’m sure if you asked me in 1986 who I would rather have as a dad……..I would have easily changed my last name to Prime. I’m sure the old man would have understood. Anyways as I remember, Prime comes flying in and you hear the guitar riffs, “You got the touch (guitar riff) You got the Power……Yeah” They come in and start whooping up on the Decepticons. It’s funny because the fight scenes were way more violent than what I saw on tv. I should have been warned. This is probably why my mother didn’t want me to watch.

As the two sides fight, Optimus Prime is hurt and he’s hurt bad. There is that scene where he’s laying on the table surrounded by other Autobots. He opens his chest and reveals the Autobot Matrix of Leadership. He hands it to Ultramagnus (dumb idea) and then it happens, Optimus Prime dies. It was so dramatic. He was this colorful truck and all the sudden he turns dark gray and his eyes are black. I'm not sure what a dead cartoon character looks like, but I assume that's it. A very defining moment of my life at 8 years old. I couldn’t believe it. I actually cried. I was horrified! Up to this point none of my heroes had died. GI Joe was still alive, He-Man was still getting the best of Skeletor, and Voltorn always seemed to pull out of any situation. Why Optimus? Was it to expose Ultramagnus as a fake leader? That’s like Jerry Seinfeld leaving the cast of Seinfeld and expecting the show to go on for two more seasons with George as the main character. It just wouldn’t work. At my old job we asked the roundtable question “Who’s your favorite Transformer” he replied “Ultramagnus” It really got a good laugh out of most of us at the table because of how horrible of a character he was.

The first movie was a big shock for me as a child. I pray this new movie doesn’t leave me in such emotional turmoil as the first one did. Maybe because I’m 20 years older I’ll handle it differently or maybe not.

I can’t wait until the Voltron movie next year.

'Yippee-ki-yay'

Live Free Or Die Hard

In the 80’s and 90’s we had action movie franchises. Lethal Weapon, Beverly Hills Cop, Rambo, Indiana Jones, and my personal favorite Die Hard. I can’t believe it’s been over 10 years. I can’t believe how many times I’ve seen the original Die Hard. It was one of the first action movies I really felt drawn too. What would I have done if I was in the Nakatomi Plaza that night? Thank God For John McClane.

Bruce Willis is back as All-American tough guy John McClane. The movies picks almost 20 years after McClane has rescued us from Hans that dreadful night in Los Angeles. Now the FBI database is hacked and John is sent to retrieve a hacker. When McClane arrives to pick up the kid he realizes he’s not the only one looking for him. Now John is on a mission to protect this kid and figure out why people are out to kill this harmless hacker.

This movie takes a new angle with hi-tech terror. This films bad guy is Thomas Gabriel (who’s constantly called by his full name through the movie) played by one of my favorite actors Timothy Olyphant. He’s believable as the cyber geek who’s hell bent on proving his point. He’s like that nerdy math tutor who’ll do anything to prove his point about hyperbolic geometry and will lecture you for hours about it, except in this film he’s proving a point about national security and putting everyone’s lives at risk, but I think you get the point. He’s also pretty cruel and equally funny at times. He’s almost likeable until you realize, “Wait a minute! He’s killing people”

Matt Farrell (Justin Long) is the hacker caught in the middle of this national disaster. He also provides some of the movies funny moments. As usual McClane provides classic one-liners as well as this hysterical laugh. It’s one of those, I can’t believe this is happening to me/ maybe I’m losing my mind laughs. He also seems to enjoy killing these people. He contiues to warn Gabriel that he's going to kill him as if he knows how something that the rest of us don't. Clerk’s Kevin Smith plays Warlock, another hacker in the film. His character alone is funny. He’s this hacker who ranks high on the FBI’s list but he lives at home with his mom. I think there is more truth in that than I want to believe.

You get the feeling in the movie that McClane is one of the last heroes we have left. When the country needs him, nobody can stop him. He even fights Gabriel’s girlfriend Mai (Maggie Q) and does not go easy on her. My pick for MTV Movie Awards – Best Fight next year. We are all in need of a hero these days and I think that’s why I was drawn to this movie.

Live Free Or Die Hard is a throwback to the old action movies. One of the best action movies I’ve seen in a while. Decent plot, good villain, and some pretty unbelievable action sequences. It’s a formula that worked for the first three Die Hard installments and does not disappoint this time around. Who would have thought a PG-13 action movie could be this good? Thank God for John McClane.

My Suggestion: Go see it! Especially if you’ve seen the first 3 or even watch the heavily edited versions on USA or TNT.

My Grade – 3.5: Great Job! You’re pretty consistent. Let’s hope you make the Dean’s List.

Black Entertainment?

It’s that time of year where there is absolutely nothing on TV, so BET decides to air its annual BET Awards. With very limited options I felt almost compelled to watch.

The show wasn’t a complete borefest. It did have its moments. A nice performance by Ne-Yo. He brought out Fabolus as well to perform his hit song “You Make Me Better”. Ne-Yo is way too Michael Jackson some times. I wonder if Jacko gets a percentage of Ne-Yo’s checks every time he does a live show. I always see this guy with the hat and all white or all black. I keep waiting for the beat from Smooth Criminal to start playing. Robin Thicke also put on a good show. Beyonce was Beyonce as usual. Is it me or does she seems to always win? If she’s breathing and even rumored to be at the show, she’s guaranteed an award. They’re going to give her a Lifetime Achievement Award for Most Awards Won next year. What was funny/sad about her performance was that Destiny Childs member Michelle was her back up dancer? How’s that possible? How does she not even get her own little solo two-step? That’s like me running a company with my friend, the company dissolves, I start my own company, and now my friend is my secretary. She was dancing so hard too. I felt bad for the girl. The show also featured a tribute to Diana Ross and James Brown. I felt like they were just thrown together. Would they do that for the Beatles? If I was Stevie Wonder I’d tell them that if that’s how they are going to honor me, I don’t want it.

Some of the low points of the show were really low. Some very weak performances from T.I (who I like) 50 Cent, a shouting match between Jennifer Hudson and Jennifer Holliday. Why was Jennifer Hudson up for so many awards anyway? She sang on a soundtrack, and doesn’t even have an album out. She’s getting all this love for singing ONE SONG. My theory: It’s Oprah! Before Dreamgirls was released Oprah said that Ms. Hudson sang that song better than anyone else. Somehow we’ve all bought into what Mighty O is telling us. I wish Oprah would say something about me. If Monday she said she loved my reviews I’d have a movie deal, book deal, and a few wedding proposals by Friday. The power of O.

There are a few things I would change about the show:

The Host – Why must we see Monique again? It was a replay of when she hosted two years ago. Sure Damon Wayans hosting was a sign that the world is coming to an end, but that’s no reason to bring back Monique. Is Samuel L Jackson busy? What’s Jamie Foxx doing these days? Dial him up next year.

The Presenters: Having celebrities’ present videos of fans to present the nominees. Easily the worst idea I’ve ever seen at an Award Show followed by reading the winners off a sidekick at the Source Awards. I went to a graduation this year and they had a speaker come out and introduce the person introducing the key note speaker. What? Why do we have a middle man? Some of the videos were funny but most of them were not.

Akon – The less he’s on TV the better

Speeches – Why have a speech? It’s an award show. It was funny to see Al Shartpon giving his 2 cents AGAIN. He’s gotta be up to about $500 now. On a side note I saw Lil Wayne and Nelly talking about how all Rap isn’t bad and I thought that was cool, but WHY WERE THEY READING OFF THE TELEPROMTER? If that’s what you do, you can’t say why it’s a good thing? It was like they didn’t even believe what they were reading. I was waiting for one of them to burst out laughing. Was I the only one annoyed by this?

Shameless Plugs – Enough with this. I know your album is coming out so stop saying it every time you win an award. It was comedy to see T.I. apologize for allegedly punching someone in the face at a brunch for the awards show the day before. At the end of the apology he plugged his album? C’mon T.I. you’re better than that.

Don’t get me wrong I love that BET has a show where they can showcase all that is to love about Black Entertainment but at some point they’ve got to step it up. A few tweaks here and there and they’ll have a quality show. Maybe they can have 50 random fans come down next year and each takes a turn hosting the show. That’ll get viewers

Children are our future

Children Of Men

Whitney Houston once sang "I believe that children are our future ". What if we lived in a world without children? What if we had no future? Children Of Men is a dark look at a future that none of us want to see.

The movie opens in London and the year is 2027. The city is mourning the death of the world's youngest person who happens to be 18 years old. The film follows Theo (Clive Owen) who is an ex activist/alcoholic as he assist Julian (Julian Moore) in leading the world's first pregnant woman in 18 years to safety. A fictional or non fictional group called The Human Project. As the movie moves on Theo starts to realize that everyone has their own agenda about what they want to do with the baby.

This is one of those movies you watch and ask yourself "Why didn 't I see this sooner." It's really a hard movie to sell because of the subject matter. The movie is dark at points and none of the characters seem to truly be happy. Men reminds me of one of those funny mirrors you see at a circus. It' s reflects what it sees but distorted in a distorted way. The movie was a reflection of what happens in our society today from the burning of the livestock to the immigrants being treated like anim als. Although this is not a "feel good " movie, it is thought provoking and will make you think about the future of our nations.

My suggestion: See the movie now. This may be a late hit among movie lovers or one of those films that's shown in film school.

My grade: 3.33 – Your parents are happy and may even let you take that weekend trip with your friends.

Pirates Blunder

Pirates Of The Caribbean – At Worlds End

Branded as one of this summer’s blockbusters and for some a “sure hit” At Worlds End does not deliver. The film was 167 minutes of slapstick comedy, cheap gags, double-crosses (too many to keep track), and a weak love story between Elizabeth Swann (Kiera Knightley) and Will Turner (Orlando Bloom). The plot seemed to be all over the place. After the film a friend called and asked me what the movie was about. I felt like I needed a flow chart to explain what was happening.

The best part about the over 2 ½ hours I spent in my squirming in my seat was the Transformers trailer that showed.(If I would have known that’s as good as was going to feel, I would have left. Encore movie channel had a Jaws marathon on) Unlike its predecessors, The Curse Of The Black Pearl and Dead Man’s Chest, At Worlds End replaces elaborate sword fighting scenes with witty one-liners from Jack Sparrow and big budget ship explosions and characters who’s problems never seem to get resolved. The most irritating scene of the movie is in the middle of a huge sword fight Elizabeth and Will decided to get married. I had no problem with that…….except that they actually recited vows to one another as Captain Barbossa played the role of the Minster. All three fought off bad guys while going through the ceremony. At points the lovely couple would be thrown into one another just long enough to gaze into each other’s eyes and say their vows.

The movie wasn’t a total waste. Bill Nighy does an excellent job as Davy Jones. He really brought a lot of life to that character that we didn’t see in the previous movie. I just wish we had more of him in the film.

My suggestion: If you feel you REALLY need to see it, I would rent, Netflix or borrow from some die hard Pirates fan who won’t admit the movie stunk. If you miss this last (hopefully) installment don’t feel bad. I’m going to pretend I never saw it.

My grade: 2.0 – Enough to get you on the basketball team, but your parents are going to be upset when you get home.

Knocked Up

Knocked Up

Still depressed about the $9.75 I spent to see Pirates Of The Caribbean 3: Waste Your Money On This . I realized I could have done a lot with that $9.75. I could have had lunch at Specialty's Bakery, food and drinks at happy hour, bought a health and fitness magazine I' ll never read (but looks really cool on my table) or even some new Star Wars stamps ! People are tired of hearing me complain about how much I couldn' t stand the movie. I really needed to see something good. I needed something positive to talk about. My choice this weekend was the comedy Knocked Up. Writer/Director Judd Apatow gives us is a fresh look at dating, relationships, marriage and pregnancy. Just not necessarily in that order.
Alison (Katherine Heigl) is out on the town after receiving a promotion and meets Ben (Seth Rogen). The two of them get drunk, have a one night stand, and 8 weeks later she realizes she' s pregnant. The film follows as both characters navigate through their lives as things start to change around this unplanned pregnancy.

Not only is this movie funny, I felt like Knocked Up is a very real movie with real characters and real dialogue. This is hard to find in cinema these days. Even with the raunchy jokes and foul language, the movie never feel off track. The conversations seemed to be plucked from real life and placed on film. From the awkward post one-night stand conversation, advice Ben and Alison receive from their friends and family, to the many discussions/arguments that you witness during the movie. It gives you that weird "maybe I shouldn' t be listening to this conversation " feeling. If you' ve ever walked in on your friend arguing with their spouse you know what I mean. I saw the movie with my friend and his wife. It all seemed so real to me, but then again I' m single. When I told them my feelings on the dialogue they agreed. I glanced over at them a few times during the film to catch a reaction and I could see them talking laughing as if they could relate.

One of the added bonuses of the film is Alison's sister Debbie (Leslie Mann) and her dissolving marriage with Pete (Paul Rudd). The two of them go back in forth in the film. It 's like they both can' t stand each other but are still really in love and just trying to figure things out. The parents-to-be look at them as maybe a glimpse into their not so happy future. Some of the films funniest moments come from Ben's roommates (Jason Segel, Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel and Martin Starr) who argue fight like brothers. Also funny are two very short scenes with one of Alison's coworkers (Kristin Wiig) who makes very subtle but rude comments about Alison during a meeting with her boss.

Knocked Up is not a film about romance or a geek gets he girl tale. Don 't let the trailer for this film fool you. It 's a smart comedy and a real look at how this generation views relationships. You see how the characters grow throughout the film. There are some really good life lessons disguised as in slacker jokes and gross humor.

My Suggestion: Go see the film. You can A) get lost and laugh at all the jokes and take a timeout from life or B) Have a discussion about relationships and responsibility. I know you may think I 'm crazy for saying that, but see the film and then we'll see who 's crazy!

My Grade: 3.5 - The only reason you didn't get a 4.0 is to not show up your friends.

Not So Fantastic Sequel

Fantastic 4: Rise Of The Silver Surfer

This summer’s movie theme should be, “The Summer Of The Sequels.” I can think of 8 off the top of my head. They market these movies like it’s new material. It’s not! It’s just a remix of a film I watched 2 years ago. I know how I feel about a movie when I respond to questions my friends ask. Here is the actual exchange between me and my friend after the movie:

Friend: How was the movie?
Me: I bought tickets for Transformers

When the first thing out of my mouth is how I bought advanced tickets for another movie 10 days away, not good sign. Some would say it’s a bad sign. You be the judge. Our newest comic sequel , Fantastic 4 , fits the bill with familiar faces, likeable characters, new villains, and the same old story.

The movie opens with the media craze surrounding the wedding of Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd) and Sue Storm (Jessica Alba). The movie quickly picks up pace as there are sightings of a silver “comet” like figure on US spy satellites, along with these massive holes in the ground. The Four quickly piece together the what is going on. There have been planets with the strange matter activity and were being destroyed 8 days after the first Silver Surfer sighting. In order to fix things quickly team up with Dr. Doom (Julian McMahon) in hopes of finding the surfer and saving the world.

The movie has on ok premise, but seems to be stale at times. In Spiderman 3 if you took away all the special effects and cheesy dialogue, there was some sort of substance left in the movie. Fantastic 4 lacked that. Not that it was a bad movie, but that it could have been a better movie. One thing that bothers me the most was that the villains weren’t villainous enough. Dr. Doom sort of shows up, does a few bad things, and then leaves. You never got the feeling that they were really in any sort of danger. The relationship between the Surfer and Glactus was talked about but it would have been great to open the movie with a little back-story. I just didn’t feel connected if you know what I mean.

The comic relief of the movie was Johnny Storm (Chris Evans). He has some pretty good one-liners in the film that kept you laughing. Somehow they went away from that in the second half of the movie. The special effects were also very good. The scene where Galactus is eating earth is amazing. As you’ve see in the trailer the Surfer just looks cool, and thanks to Laurence Fishburne he also sounds cool. The first thing my friend said to me after the movie was “I would like to have seen more of the Surfer.” I couldn’t agree more.

My Suggestion: - See it if you need to. I wouldn’t wait in line to see it. There are at least 5 more sequels to come this summer so your $9.75 can wait for Rush Hour 3.

My Grade: 2.0 – Maybe you should study harder, but nobody else is so why should you.